Typing Derby Paragraph Megathread

On this particular Thursday, something was moving quietly through the ionosphere many miles above the surface of the planet; several somethings in fact, several dozen huge yellow chunky slablike somethings, huge as office blocks, silent as birds. They soared with ease, basking in electromagnetic rays from the star Sol, biding their time, grouping, preparing. The planet beneath them was almost perfectly oblivious of their presence, which was just how they wanted it for the moment. The huge yellow something went unnoticed at Goonhilly, they passed over Cape Canaveral without a blip, Woomera and Jodrell Bank looked straight through them, which was a pity because it was exactly the sort of thing they’d been looking for all these years.

Have you ever really thought about just how many Martian related content there is in Tower Unite? There’s a Mars ball in mini golf, there’s an arcade game dedicated to giving your offering to Martians, and then there’s this, Typing Derby, the hub of all Martian data. There has to be a meaning to all of this. Right? Some say the developers are secretly Martians, but I think there’s more to it than that. I believe they’re conducting researchers on us humans for something even greater.

The year is 20XX. Everyone plays Fox at TAS levels of perfection. Because of this, the winner of a match depends solely on port priority. The Rock Paper Scissors metagame has evolved to ridiculous levels due to it being the only remaining factor to decide matches. Humanity has reached its pinnacle. The low tier peasants are living in poverty. It seems nothing can stop the great leader of 20XX, Aziz “Hax” Al-Yami, and his army, the Fox monks who live in great monasteries where they levitate while TASing Fox with one hand, and winning tournaments with the other. The tournament metagame has gotten to this point where everything is played out to theoretical perfection, so tournament goers play Rock Paper Scissors for port priority, and that’s the game.

Chicken sandwiches are very delicious. Have you ever partaken in the consumption of a chicken patty between to slabs of bread? If not, you’re really missing out. It is imperative that you make haste to your local chicken sandwich establishment and purchase three of them for your current and future sustenance. Trust me; you’re going to need it. The first for breakfast, the second for lunch, and the third for dinner. Yes, you should indeed eat a chicken sandwich for every meal of the day. They are just that delicious.

Think of these thoughts as limitless light exposing closing circuitry of fright. Think of each moment holding this breath as death minute in decimal. Resident minor, how do you plead? We’ll need your testimony on the stand. Solemnly swear to tell the whole truth, so help me son, now raise your right hand. Father your honor, may I explain? My brain has claimed its glory over me. I’ve a good heart, albeit insane. Condemn him to the infirmary. All mine towers crumble down, the flowers gasping under rubble. Shrieking in the hall of lull, thy genius sates my thirst for trouble. Scattering sparks of thought energy deliver me and carry me away. Here in my kingdom, I am your lord. I order you to cower and pray.

Inca no mezame potatoes. You deep fry them straight into cooking oil without any batter. You don’t boil the inca no mezames… Once the deep frying is done, you toss them into a stew. You peel and cut that variety of potatoes. That is the recipe I use when I make crew stew. I’ve been living at an apartment I rented nearby, so I brought a full pot of cream stew I made over.

The Chicanery rant from Better Call Saul, compressed and modified by me - 118 words

I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers, it was one after Magna Carta! As if I could make such a mistake! I just couldn’t prove it! He just covered his tracks! You think this is something, you think this is bad, this chicanery? He’s done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me a man can just fall like that? No, he orchestrated it! He defecated through a sunroof! And I saved him! I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking?! He’ll never change. Ever since he was nine, always the same. Couldn’t keep his hands out of the cash drawer. “But not him, it could never be him!” What a sick joke.


An excerpt from a musical bio from AllMusic by Dan LeRoy:

A second outing, International Thing, appeared in 1984; by that point, Campsie and McFarlane were also active in studio work for other artists, such as Endgames, for whom they produced the album Building Beauty. They returned in 1986 on a new label, A&M, with Wah Wah, which also featured a new producer: Cure bassist Phil Thornalley. Wah Wah would be the pair’s final album as the Quick, although they regrouped two years later as Giant Steps, boasting a similar synth pop sound. This time around, however, Campsie and McFarlane managed to crack the American Top 40 with the hit “Another Lover.”

According to all known laws
of aviation,

there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don’t care
what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow!
Let’s shake it up a little.

(from the Bee Movie, 2007)