Typing Derby Paragraph Megathread

On this particular Thursday, something was moving quietly through the ionosphere many miles above the surface of the planet; several somethings in fact, several dozen huge yellow chunky slablike somethings, huge as office blocks, silent as birds. They soared with ease, basking in electromagnetic rays from the star Sol, biding their time, grouping, preparing. The planet beneath them was almost perfectly oblivious of their presence, which was just how they wanted it for the moment. The huge yellow something went unnoticed at Goonhilly, they passed over Cape Canaveral without a blip, Woomera and Jodrell Bank looked straight through them, which was a pity because it was exactly the sort of thing they’d been looking for all these years.

Have you ever really thought about just how many Martian related content there is in Tower Unite? There’s a Mars ball in mini golf, there’s an arcade game dedicated to giving your offering to Martians, and then there’s this, Typing Derby, the hub of all Martian data. There has to be a meaning to all of this. Right? Some say the developers are secretly Martians, but I think there’s more to it than that. I believe they’re conducting researchers on us humans for something even greater.

The year is 20XX. Everyone plays Fox at TAS levels of perfection. Because of this, the winner of a match depends solely on port priority. The Rock Paper Scissors metagame has evolved to ridiculous levels due to it being the only remaining factor to decide matches. Humanity has reached its pinnacle. The low tier peasants are living in poverty. It seems nothing can stop the great leader of 20XX, Aziz “Hax” Al-Yami, and his army, the Fox monks who live in great monasteries where they levitate while TASing Fox with one hand, and winning tournaments with the other. The tournament metagame has gotten to this point where everything is played out to theoretical perfection, so tournament goers play Rock Paper Scissors for port priority, and that’s the game.