The One Unit Claustrophobia Condo

Condos are really expensive. I’m not complaining about it, just noticing. And they’re so big! I mean that’s probably why they’re so expensive. They’re like items you could live in! Whoa!

Inspired by

I suggest to add a really cheap but really small Condo. Make it cost a single Unit, maybe two if you wanna make a profit. I don’t know how much it costs to make a room in Unreal, maybe you have to push the price up to 10 or 100 Units but it should be affordable for hobos to own and rent half the space out to a rich catsack for profit so in a year or two he can afford to sack the sack and fully own the second half.

It shouldn’t be much bigger than 2 small rooms. Maybe just one. Possible to get 90% of the location into one screenshot. Not enough for the roomscale HTC Vive, just enough to not hit a wall sitting there with the Oculus Rift. Well maybe that wall over there. I mean it should be enough space to stand in and not feel comfortable. Like on a flight when the person in front of you leans back to use their mobile solarium. I mean sitting down is fine, right? Make it the example photo in the dictionary when looking up “Claustrophobia” (Fear of buying rationally sized property). Or call it the Half-Life 3 Preview Condo and demonstrate how it’s perfectly possible to live in that one vent extension the designer forgot to undo when extruding the geometry because it was so tiny.

So basically when you go shopping for a Condo, ask the cashier to give you the bag for one Unit and just use that.

Since it’s so small I doubt it’d cost much development time, with all the Unreal experience I accumulated over my lifetime of having made an ugly fire-based illumination unit in the Tutorial, I’d say the slightly more experienced folks at PixelTail will probably need roughly 29.573 Minutes and a 5 minute laughing break so it’ll be well worth it.

it’s called a closet

8 Likes

No, that’s too big. I’m talking small here.

How the fuck is a closet too big? The next smaller thing is a god damn bee hive.


I literally put this together in less than 2 minutes, and it costs 3000 units. Instead of asking the developers to make something as small and unnecessary as your suggestion, you should really do it yourself.

9 Likes

Perfect.

You see, that’s not exactly one Unit.

Did you even read the title?

I feel like way too many people don’t get how fucking serious I am about this…

I sexually identify as a Tau neutrino lepton and I find your condo design way too large, not to mention offensive
#subatomiclifesmatter

5 Likes

Well, I still stand by my first Condo Megathread suggestion that there should be a really small and cheap condo (even smaller than the suite), but this seems like overkill (which is clearly the point). Still, I would agree that we need more cheap condo options for newer players to easily get.

Though, as a joke addition, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to make something like this. It is only one unit, after all, and it would be interesting to see what people attempt to do with the little space they have.

1 Like

Nah, I’m pretty sure nobody does. You should probably read your posts out loud before submitting them.

3 Likes

After hours of careful and extensive research, I have concluded that this is a fucking dumb idea sorry

10 Likes

Max players would be like… 1 and a half ?

1 Like

Sure it will be nice to have something like the suite and make slightly smaller, but I find it better just to customize your own idea of a house, room, apartment, cardboard box, bee hive, mushroom, dogshit etc. rather telling the devs to make a new map, when the condo is already the standard package.

With a tiny potion, that number might be just right.

2 Likes

I really hope this is bait.
You should probably stop shitting up the suggestions forum with useless trash and not waste others time.
This seems like it was destined to create arguments and you certainly aren’t making things better with these replies.

3 Likes

Suggestions are not for joke suggestions.

12 Likes