It’s for furries. It’s for furry porn.
I wish I had a vive shipped to my door and my computer could actually run VR games.
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Sure, but the eyes are swapped so you can’t tell how far away anything is.
I wish for a tennis ball.
It’s covered in dog saliva that can never be washed off.
I want… to die
You are now the healthiest man alive! 
I want a cool burfday tomorrow
They forgot your birthday so you make it up in your head
I wish to do some killer dance moves at the disco.
Everyone who sees you dancing instantly dies. get it? killer? heh, okay.
I want 1,000,000 Yen, A burrito, and a human SOUL.
The 1,000,000 Yen was converted into Zimbabwe currency, The burrito gives you the runs, and the human soul refuses to shut up.
I wish I had a gf.
Wish granted! You now have a good friend.
I wish I had less time on my hands.
Wish granted! You won’t need to worry about getting things on your hands now that they’ve been chopped off.
I wish I was better at cooking.
All you can cook is things made of people. I guess you’re a gourmet chef for canibals
I wish for an easy way to get to the dark web.
wish granted, but nobody can use it.
I wish that I could fly in illegal airspaces. (idk)
Wish granted! You’ll still get shot down.
I wish Adobe let us pay once instead of monthly for Creative Cloud
(You suck)
[[Everyone else ignore this post]]
Your wish to have everyone ignore your post is granted! However, everyone will now shine a negative light on my post as a result of this effort to keep anyone from paying attention to your post. Plus your post is now On Topic, so that’s nice.
I wish the Casino Update and Boardwalk Update would both release soon. though I am still very patient for them
They’re broken, rushed buggy places! And they crash your game everytime you try to go there
I wish I wasn’t called a psychopath.
Wish granted! But now you’re called murderer and the cops are after you.
I wish dead stuff stopped getting shipped to my doorstep.
Wish granted! Anything (such as food) that you have delivered will now be alive!
I wish this carpet could be a different colour.
(EDIT: And just for the record, I didn’t mean to do anything to the cat. I literally just wanted a different hue of carpet, like green or blue.)
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Wish granted! it is now stained with the blood of the innocent
I wish I could think of clever things to wish for.
Wish granted! You just don’t want to.
I wish I could have the better ban hammer.
Wish granted! But it breaks on the first hit. erm…ban.
I wish I didn’t have a left lung.