Trouble with Girlfriend. Might break up

Off Topic
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I’m just baffled. She practically cheats on me for a guy in VR on Rec Room- a very horrible place with a gender-biased and young community where every single pringle boy is desperate- and rats me out for not being for her three times when she cries, except she doesn’t let me comfort when she cries, and she never asks help either.

And this was all because of an argument that I don’t remember now. I don’t get how this girl can think that I don’t love her when I put her on my phone, my TV, my wall, and give her everything, including half of her Steam Library and a f------ Rift Headset.

She doesn’t let us have fun too. If I don’t “limit” her, I get a no everytime if I want to play a game with her outside of VR. I want to play Tower Unite with her just to have fun, but she doesn’t care. All she wants is to have a fantasy with this guy in VR. I go on VR for her just to have fun with her as she asked me to, but she still leaves me hanging like I’m supposed to be disposed of.

If I can’t do anything with her and that she won’t give any cares about me, then I don’t know what to do. I’m just truly disappointed. I love her no matter what, even right now when she isn’t giving me much love back. I feel like her number 2 boy instead of her number 1.

I ask for everything too. I ask if we can hang out. I ask if we can hug. I ask if we can talk. I ask if we can play. I ask if we can do f------ anything.

Why does she say that she’s cold blooded when I beg her please so many times just to do something like build something in Rec Room or play with her, when she’ll easily do anything with any other guy?

At the end of the day, the words “I don’t know” fogged up my entire mind and what I wanted to say. I really wish I can have a girlfriend that f------ cares, d-----.

EDIT: At the very least, I don’t have to worry about [REDACTED] stumbling across this post on the TU Forums. It’s not like she cares.

EDIT 2: Censored out my curses and her name due to a flag. If this gets flagged still then I don’t know. I still love her, but I’m just sad, wishing things can get better. She’s the only one I have.

EDIT 3: Thank you guys so much for the wishes and support so far, here’s also a quote to a comment I made that also explains more of how I feel.

Edit 4: I had a talk with her in Rec Room. Crying. She got to the point where she kept defending herself saying “sometimes best friends can be important too” (referring to the guy she always relaxes with). I don’t get how best friends are important. She’s not treating him like a best friend. He says its my fault for not caring about people other than my girlfriend when she means everything to me. I don’t ever want to hangout with others, just her. I only want to play with her, not others. I just kept on crying about what am I doing so wrong and is it just wrong to only care about her. I hate him.

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off-topic is off-topic

Definitly, nobody expects to find this on the tu forums

EDIT: oh man i underestimated the community

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Sorry you’re having to go through this, man. You deserve better.

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You should edit the quote and rub out the name changing it so it matches the post. Just some advice

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Damn man, that sucks. She doesn’t sound much like a girlfriend anymore. You should tell her how you are feeling. Best case scenario: she realises and changes her ways. Worst: She breaks up with you. To be honest, it sounds like you are in such a bad place in this relationship, if you break up, it doesn’t sound like too much would change. She doesn’t spend much time with you and you have to ask to do anything.

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You gotta end it dude, there are too many red flags there.

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For me, it’s like whatever I say just does not compute to her head. and I’m sure that I am not speaking in some nerd language. I try to make it as clear as possible. It’s always people like these that make me lose my confidence in talking. I can’t ever win any battle in a conversation, no one ever listens to me.

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Half of me… no, a majority of me want’s to see it end, but a little bit of me wants to hang on hoping she will change. School is tomorrow and if we actually see each other she might change.

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On today: Tower Unite community gives relationship advice.

Sincerely though, I hope you find your happiness somewhere friend.

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Thanks. I just hope things can turn out for the good. I literally gave everything to her, even all my love. It sucks how she was the one that asked me out, how we’re very serious with a long lasting love with no sex (both virgins), and how it has to cause a gap like this after a year and seven months.

When I even told her that I want my Rift back and ban her from using it for 5 months, she just says that she’ll get her a Rift S herself. So you can have the boldness to save up and get a Rift S but not save up for a birthday present? I give her birthday presents, and attend her birthday party, but she has never made arrangements to hang out with me to makeup for my birthday (because I had to be away from home on my birthday for the 2nd year on a row) or give me any presents. Technically, I don’t feel that special enough for an actual birthday present that I only feel “hugs and kisses” can be my only birthday present.

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Ah damn. this isn’t ideal. Why don’t you drop a little virus on her computer? Stops her from playing Rec Room for a while and then she would have to listen to you? It seems stupid but it’s the only way I can think of getting her attention without throwing her computer out the window

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im not one to give relationship advice, (yeah im too strange to get a gf, but eh im not bothered)

but i think you should get her to talk seriously face to face, serious situation style, ask tell her the deal with how she has been acting and explain why its causing shit to fuck up, and ask her seriously if she even likes you and such, just to get to a straight answer.

i feel from what i have seen from other people that relationships can fall apart quick if either side doesn’t explain how they are feeling or listen to what the other feels, even just telling her you want to break up and explaining why will end off better than being mad and cutting her off because of all the shit.

i dont know though, just what i think, there are probably better people to help with this, rather than a NotGaylien like me.

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It’s super difficult for some reason for her to have a serious talk with me. No matter how many times I talk with her, It’s like she doesn’t learn and improve for the night calls, texts, and tears (worse than hers) that I had for the past week. It took a while for my mom to finally realize what was secretly bugging me until yesterday night with a phone call with me crying out loud in bed.

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Whatever choice you make, you are still the king of your own life. With or without her

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I agree. In the end, all you’ve got is you. Strive to live your best life on your terms. Relationships come second to your wellbeing. Cutting negative people out of your life is one of the most emotionally draining tasks imaginable, but you’ll come out of it stronger than you were before.

(EDIT: Some advice.)

Summary

I don’t want to get too involved in the discussion, but I’m always happy to give a bit of advice. That being said, it sounds to me like she’s really neglecting your relationship. If you’ve been noticing this happening for some time now, it wouldn’t be reasonable to expect her to suddenly change her behavior out of nowhere for the better. Something must change, and you need to be the one to take the initiative.

If you’ve been trying to get her to spend more time with you for this long and you’re always being shut down, it sounds like she’s just leading you on. She’s just barely invested enough to keep you coming back with false promises. Tell her that you need time away, and don’t contact her for a while. Just get out, leave it alone for now. Let her contact you.

Based on her habits, I’m led to believe she’s just after the instant gratification of getting attention from other guys in the games she plays. This has to stop. You need to set boundaries such as making sure you’re not talking with strangers in VR more than with each other. It’s dissolving the foundation of your relationship.

If you being away from her causes her to have a realization or change of heart about her behavior, reach out to her and gladly attempt to make reparations. You should try to come to a consensus on how to better spend your time together, and tell her why you left. Explain how you felt being ignored by her for so long. Sometimes we don’t realize the good things we have until they’re gone, and assuming that you’re a positive thing in her life, staying away for some time will hopefully be a much-needed wake-up call for her.

If she stays silent several weeks in, then there’s a hard truth to be faced, but a necessary one: she lost interest in the current relationship and it’s time for you to move on to better people. Instant gratification may be good enough for her, but if you’re seeking real, meaningful connection, you’ll find it with someone else. Even if not immediately, you will.

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I don’t know if there’s anything worth saving here in terms of the relationship. There’s a power imbalance here where you obviously seem to care about her a lot but she isn’t returning that in any shape or form. For as long as you try to bridge this gap by trying to spoil her or chase you are only encouraging the behaviour she is getting away with. If you value yourself then you should cut your losses and get out. You’re still young (assuming from school comment), don’t waste your youth in a one sided relationship. Right now it just sounds like this girl is taking advantage of you and that totally sucks, it’s also not normal. A good healthy relationship does not look like this in any shape or form. Find someone who’ll reciprocate your feelings.

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Alright, here’s a surprising Update. I’m even baffled from this. Today, I managed to feel relaxed from her at school, but it was still hard to feel a little bit loved. Once school was over, we talked and planned on playing Tower Unite with a Discord Video Call. I wanted to surprise her over new glasses so that maybe she can make me feel good about myself fangirling about me. While we were both caught up in the stir of how we felt to each other and what we wanted from each other, It got some sense into her head. I kept on talking about the past and how I missed how she always did this cute things that were caring for me whenever I looked good to her. We pretty much continued on with a conversation on trying to get her back to normal, before she has ever changed the way she behaves because of this guy. And somehow, she was texting about this to him as well, and said that she wanted to stop being friends with him because it hurt our relationship. woah. At that point, it felt like she was jumping to conclusions for us for a good outcome. The only thing relatable to me that comes to my mind is someone basically skipping over five steps on a stair. Instead of having a slow change, she decides to make the long haul and go right to unfriending this guy. At that moment, I was shocked at what she managed to do. She can’t help but cry saying her last goodbye to this guy, but she knew how much I hated this person. The night prior to today, this guy kept saying that “I hope you and your boyfriend get better” but this guy doesn’t deeply care for us, rather for her “safety and happiness”. If this guy would care for us to get better, then he wouldn’t make me feel like shit for every incident I made and treated it like a holy sin. This guy only has to point out that practically only I can be the wrong one, and she can’t ever make mistakes. I told her that you can still be friends with this guy, but at least prioritize me to be important. She didn’t want to be friends with him anymore. She just wanted us to get better. She knew how I felt extremely sick over his sense of love and care for relationships. He acts as if he was a pro, when his own bio has “taken” in it when he never talks to his girlfriend. On top of that, he just has to believe that first relationships never work out. I always knew of this rumor. But that doesn’t stop me. She has faults and I do too, but that won’t make us break up, It makes me determined even more to make us better. At that moment, I felt like I was loved.

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And they both lived happily ever after
closes book
Well, children, what a lovely ending to an otherwise crappy situation.

But no seriously dude. I am so happy for you. Maybe it was like that one Charles Dickins book where the ghosts appear on Christmas eve. I am glad that she has seen the errors in her ways

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:smile: happy ending :smile:

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