Can I hear some puns?

Let me hear them, I don’t care about the cringe factor.

:smiling_imp: You’ve made a grave mistake…

  • Tape never gets in trouble. It’s really good at adhering to the rules and sticking to a good moral code.
  • So a programmer walks into a bar and the bartender asks, “Do you work with binary?” The programmer responds, “Off and on.”
  • Have you heard the rumors about the fruit store? They’re pretty juicy.
  • Did you hear that paintings are now rated in colours? Mine got a tan out of tan.
  • Did you know that most children of bakers become bakers later? It makes sense; they were bread for the job.
  • I knew a copper wire who joined a band. He didn’t play an instrument; he was a conductor.
  • We all have music in us, or at least a few organs.
  • You can always trust news from circuits. They have an AMPle knowledge of CURRENT events.
  • Why do psychiatrists have so much trouble with mathematicians? They always come back with new problems.
  • Graphing is something Microsoft excels at.
  • If a dolphin ever tells you it was an accident, don’t believe them. They always do things on porpoise.
  • Did you hear about my diving test? I was under pressure, but I think it went swimmingly.
  • Never touch a Tesla coil. It hertz!
  • Losing my balance is something I just can’t stand.
  • Did you hear about the bakery that went bankrupt? They ran out of dough.
  • Did you hear about the band that robbed the bank? Everything was orchestrated.
  • Did you know that it’s hard for Australians to play chess? Every time the king is in danger it’s check, mate.
  • Did you hear about the new math show? It’s really graphic.
  • Did you hear about the highly exclusive college for terrorists? Most applicants bomb the entrance exam.
  • Greg never expected to end up working with electronics, but something about the field sparked his interest.
  • The fission debate really has me split.
  • Did you know that dolphins had legs before they evolved? Once they started swimming it de-feet-ed the porpoise.
  • I’ve never seen the problem with being blind.
  • Did you hear about the guy who got beheaded by a window? It must have been a pane in the neck.
  • A man was testing human conductivity; the results were shocking!

That’s not even all the puns I’ve got. You’ve been given only a taste of what I have stored away.


I loaf bread puns, unfortunately I don’t really have any in store.

My puns aren’t sew bad, at least, they aren’t as bad as they seam!

Those were EGGcellent

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I believe every pun enthusiast out there has been BEATEN.

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Come on, don’t be a PUNk, I don’t want a PUNishment

You should never trust an atom. They make up everything.

I only tell chemistry jokes periodically.

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Crap, I was beaten to it.

Tell this to a girl in your History class:
‘We have history together.’ nudge nudge

(Disclaimer: If she doesn’t get it she’s not the kind of girl you want in your life, stay away)

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I feel this game will be a towering succes


I ran out of jokes.

Guess I’ve gotten,

bone dry.

Or you could be getting sick. Do you have a femur?

Don’t you mean hoof a femur?

I tile my roof with shin-gles.

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C’mon guys, these are awful. Put some more back bone into it.

(Sorry, I’m bad at puns)

Oh, please, you amateur. You need to have more skull.

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Fingers make great tools. Not only are they handy, but you can always count on them.