I got a cake

Who want’s some cake?


Could i have some cake?

I do, but only if it’s red velvet cake.

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Is it a lie?

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I’d like some cake.

Marble cake with chocolate frosting.

Alright, but for real. Yellow cake with chocolate icing is my absolute second favorite, and Coca-Cola cake just leaves everything in the dust.

If you’ve never had it, send me your address so I can find you and get you to a cracker barrel so you can try some yourself. And this is coming from the legendary Cakemagic, so you know that it’s confirmed good. I’m a cake God, you know. Capital “G” God. Not some lesser god with no influence or power, but someone who knows their stuff so well that they’re within the inner circle of Gods and Goddesses, able to trade secrets with the Great Divines and influence the lives of mortals in ways that would be inconceivable to some secular being’s mind, some puny little existence that knows nothing of the inner workings of baked goods, or machinations of confections. You know that when a super influential supreme being has reccommended a certain cake to someone who couldn’t possibly comprehend everything that a cake goes through, it’s gonna be a good cake. So just listen to me, get yourself that Coca-Cola cake.

And maybe one day, just maybe, you’ll ascend to be a God too.

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